Nick,
I was scared and shaking like a freezing wet puppy dog on our wedding day. I nearly broke your fingers squeezing them so hard. I cried at the foot of the altar ruining my mascara because I couldn’t believe God was allowing this dream to come true. I just knew you would eventually see how shameful and flawed I was. I wasn’t ready. But God assured me if I took the leap, I would be okay. You urged me not to miss my window and stay stuck where I was, but to take your hand and jump. I rushed you because I didn’t want my dream guy and dream of marriage to slip through my fingers once you figured out how imperfect I was. It was unfair to you. You deserved a woman who had at least a better understanding of her issues and the willingness to be truthful about them. Our courtship, wedding, honeymoon, and first year wasn’t conventional; it was fast, and furious. I wasn’t ready for what marriage entailed or the challenge placed before me. I wasn’t ready to be real with anyone else, let alone myself.
I pinch myself often and still have a very hard time trusting and accepting that God blessed me with a husband who is both honest and faithful, who prefers an authentic relationship over a quick fix, who is strong enough to look my fears/rage/defensive walls dead in the eye, and who consistently submits his fleshly desires to the God he serves. When I got married, I never imagined guys like that existed....and I’ll admit I’ve put you through a lot because of the unaddressed pain/baggage I brought into our marriage.
Our relationship is far from perfect, but today I just want to publicly say THANK YOU babe for continuing to show and prove that a man can be honest and faithful, for taking the time to dispel my hurt, for being transparent with me and telling me EVERYTHING, for not leaving me when I’ve become a raging hormonal mental mess, for forgiving me when I mess up, for being man enough to ask for forgiveness if you mess up, for calming my frequent fears, and wiping my tears. You’ve helped me to see specific areas of my heart that need cleaning up. You’ve even helped me understand and diagnose why I do some of the stupid things I say and do. Most of all, you stood and fought through my pain when everyone else ran. Nearly everything I dislike about myself, you overlook. You’ve taught me that sincerity and authenticity matters more than perfection.
While we don’t have the power to change each other into exactly what we want, we can influence each other, sharpen each other, appreciate and respect each other, inspire and encourage each other to seek God’s strength and not give up. Nicholas, you have incredible teaching and leadership abilities, and you are the man I want to eventually learn how to follow 100%. You show me that I do EXIST, that my life does matter, and that the truth sets me free. You’ve given me the courage to admit and face my flaws and are helping me to embrace the power God put inside me to overcome them. You teach me how to face every problem head on, take decisive action, build relationships patiently, and not be so consumed with a fantasy that I forget to enjoy and appreciate the moment. My life is forever changed because of you. You gave me "something different", and I pray I can return the favor.
Nick Blount, I will always love you. I stay with you NOT because I think no one else would want me, but because I don’t want or need anyone else and you are the best man for the role. I feel like God made you for me, and he gave me exactly what I needed. You are an excellent husband. I can’t wait to see what he has in store for you, me, and us.
It's beautiful, Sis!
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