Loving and Forgiving Even When I Don't Feel Like It?
During times of stress in marriage, I've begun to find myself wondering "God, what is the point in all of this?" What motivation do I have to continue to give of myself in this when it doesn't seem like what I'm doing is producing any fruit or change? Whether I'm feeling guilty of my own confessed shortcomings, pointlessly dwelling on the flaws of my spouse, or just frustrated with the entire process of becoming one, God must have a plan.
The answer is Love and Forgiveness. I believe that two becoming one has a much bigger purpose than having a partner, procreating, and experiencing romantic feelings. As many long-time married couples have told us, "love isn't always enough, and you won't always feel "in love" with your spouse." The rose-colored goggles come off when times get tough, and your spouse lets you down, it is then you realize that you have to draw your willingness to press on from another source.
I Need Some Motivation!
Winning at marriage is a crucial part of your walk with Christ, and being a witness for Christ. It's about learning to Love someone as yourself, as Christ loved the church, and submitting to one another in love, as Christ teaches us to submit to God. Marriage can take us to new heights in our walk with God, our understanding of Him, and of the heavenly love and prosperity God intended for us. But, when you are feeling the stress of your own inadequacies, or that of your spouse, and you don't see how it will all work out anyway, it is all much easier said than done.
Numerous scriptures talk about this kind of self-sacrificial, unconditional love. God's word is filled with this mission, and greatest commandment. We can look at Christ's life and see the prime example of unconditional love. Beaten, ridiculed, even to death, he loved God and God's children to the point of giving his life, and he forgave those who spit in his face and betrayed him...countless times. What was Christ's motivation? It was his love for God, and God's love for him.
Teach Me How To Love
His love for God compelled him to press forward, to obey God's command to love unconditionally, to lead by example. His love for God and God's love for His people compelled him to forgive.... endlessly. 1 John chapter 3 goes over this love saying, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers...let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth. This is how we know we belong to truth [to God and His righteousness], and how we set our hearts at rest [how we have peace] in his presence when our hearts condemn us [when we feel like we just can't do this!]."
If I see that my spouse is struggling, has a need, or just isn't getting it, I have a debt to love him unconditionally. Not necessarily because they have "earned" it or reciprocated that to me, and certainly not because they owe me anything, or haven't satisfied my desires or expectations. I am to love and forgive simply because God loved me enough to give His only Son to die for my inadequacies and my sins.
After You've Done All You Can
The peace I have is that I know if all I have to offer is my unconditional love and forgiveness, and I've given that freely, endlessly, and without expectation, then I have satisfied God's expectation of me. I need not do more. I need not try to fix my spouse, or become someone I am not in order to please them. We are God's creation. It is His place to compel, convict, configure, and create. I can love my spouse despite how I "feel". I can forgive my spouse. I can show them, teach them, and give them love the way God gives it to me.
The world doesn't understand this type of submission to God. And I certainly haven't mastered it. But I'm more convinced every day, but that THIS IS THE POINT. When my spouse feels loved and forgiven, my kids feel loved and forgiven, and the world sees it and feels it, it will have already begun to exist in all His Glory, and everything that touches it will change and blossom. God is Love, after all. If He created us in His image and lives in us, then so are we to be. Unconditionally, to walk in love, put it on, and wear it every day. The same goes for loving ourselves.
I am responsible for my own actions and responses. Today I will act and respond in love and in truth. For no other reason than God loves me that much, and God loves my spouse that much.
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