Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Mirror Mirror On The Wall: How Marriage Can Help You Find Yourself


When my husband and I were dating, many of the things he found most appealing and engaging about me were those aspects of myself that allowed him to feel that he could care for my weaknesses and fill the voids in me, be needed by me, or be my hero. I grabbed at the chance to have a white knight, and appear a perfected beauty in his eyes that could do no wrong. My dream was coming true, and I would go into marriage with a presentation of myself and a reliance on him that I could not uphold for long. Eventually the shoe would drop, and my fears and insecurities would surface and become first annoying, then unbearable. I needed to grow up, and God placed me in a position where I had to choose to do that, or risk losing my dream. 

It wasn't long before we got to a place in our marriage where I believe my husband saw completely through the smoke and mirrors I put forward, and I realized that in order for him to love and accept the real me, I had to actually find out who I was, be real with myself, be real with God, and be real with my husband . Weaknesses and all...

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinth. 12:9   - wow, God was going to get the Glory in my situation, because I definitely wasn't able to do it of my own strength!

The challenges we've faced in learning one another, and having to come clean about myself to my Husband, have taught me a few very valuable lessons, and have been very fruitful in helping me to mature in Christ. I feel they are important to share with you to aid you in your own self awareness, preparing for marriage, and growing as one.

1. Be Honest About Yourself and To Yourself:

       The foundation for every relationship should be God and his truth. Someone can't get to know you if you only show them the best parts of yourself. Master the art of knowing yourself, then no one can break you down, and you can begin the process of growing to your full potential. You can't grow as an individual if you have a jaded or skewed perspective of yourself, or let others opinions blow you over so easily. If you do, everytime trouble comes or people get mad at you, you'll run from the truth or get defensive, and no one wants to be around that! You must get somewhere quiet, and meditate on God's word about how special you are, understand where you're weak, and communicate this clearly to your partner. Only then can healing and Grace have its work. It starts with personal awareness.

2. Admit your mistakes:

       The word of God says in Proverbs 22 that "humility and fear of the Lord brings riches, honor, and long life." I don't know about you, but I want my life to be fruitful and rich, with love all around me, to be respected and praised by others, and to live a life that is emotionally and physically healthy. Being humble enough to admit your weakness, your mistakes, apologize, and recognize that the harm someone else has caused you is no worse than all the times you hurt God with your sin, can really open up the door for genuine, loving, rich connections with people in your life. Remember, charisma is making it your goal to make someone feel better about themselves, and that understanding them is important to you, rather than showing concern only for your own point of view.

3. Healing starts with you:

       On my other blog, Prayers & Pillow Talk, I wrote about the woman in Mark 5 with the issue of blood for twelve years who had tried everything to heal herself, spent all her money on doctors, and after years of pain, shame, and trying everything, she had one last resort. After fighting her way through the crowd to touch Jesus, the woman, who wasn't even considered clean, or allowed to be seen in public because she was bleeding, had the audacious courage to announce to everyone that she was unclean, and publicly admit what she had done. It was at this moment that Jesus saw her true faith. She was willing to surrender her struggle and dignity, and lay at his feet, and didn't care who saw her brokenness. She risked her freedom, her reputation in order to be touched and healed by Jesus.

4. Get your strength and happiness from God:

      My mantra lately,".....Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." (Nehemiah 8:10)
has been extremely helpful in allowing me to control myself when I feel scared or inadequate, or I want to rebell or lash out against my spouse or my loved ones because they've hurt me. I won't make my choice to do good, be loving, or give based on their actions at all. I am learning to base my responses and actions merely on bringing a smile to God's face, independent of my emotions.


"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song" Psalm 28:7

I hope this post encourages you to love yourself, know yourself better, and be yourself. Iron sharpens Iron, and your spouse needs you to be you weaknesses and all. Becoming one is about being able to lean on each other no matter what, accept each other, work on ourself in humility and fear of the Lord, and build each other up. Be blessed, ask for someone's forgiveness today, tell someone you love them, and don't forget to tell yourself!

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
NIV

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