I once read somewhere that Marriage is a crucible in which we learn how to love and become more Christ-like. It's the place in which we find out what we're made of. Every day I am learning how very true that is in my own marriage. My husband and I tied the knot last June and after we said “I do” and returned from the honeymoon it became quite apparent that I wasn't the person I thought I was going to be in marriage. Before we were married I viewed (or even prided) myself as someone who was extremely selfless, loving, kind, patient, compassionate, giving, etc, etc, etc. And once the rubber met the road I felt like the Lord was holding a mirror up in front of me and for the first time I was seeing this other side of me. It wasn't that I wasn't loving or kind but at times I had a tendency to be self-seeking and completely oblivious to my husband's needs. “Oh my, I'm selfish? That can't be right.” I thought, “I serve in my church, I pay my tithes and I...” I, I, I and I. Again, it was all about me but the thing I love about my husband is that he has never rubbed any of this in my face. In fact all he did was love me through this self realization.
This marriage has forced me to grow up and without the friendship between my husband and I, I'm not sure this transition from singleness to married life would have been this smooth. I look at my husband as my best friend and it's that bond that we share as friends that really gets us through the trying times. We laugh together, and I'd say we cry together but it's usually him holding me while I cry but you get the picture. I feel the more we reveal of ourselves, no matter how painful, the closer we grow together. In this day and age, the moment things become challenging in a relationship people usually call it quits. That's a whole other subject in itself. What I have been learning is to build and develop our friendship during the good and not so good times. Building a great marriage takes time and lots of work and it doesn't happen over night or 8 months for that matter. Each day I challenge myself to be and do better than the day before. To ultimately be a better friend to my husband today than yesterday.
More recently I have been striving to be the first one to forgive and get over the offense or fight and it's soooo challenging. I don't think I have succeeded yet but one day I will. An common misconception is that conflict can be a mood killer in the romance department. Yet, conflict actually presents an opportunity for you and the other person to deepen your bond. When conflict arises, take that time to begin to say to your partner the things that you would normally hold back. That's true intimacy (In-To-Me-See). You're allowing that person to see inside of you and each time you do that, you are becoming one. Now it doesn't feel good in the moment but if you push pass the awkwardness or uncomfortableness and get down to the nitty-gritty, you'll truly grow as friends and develop genuine intimacy. And when you are intimate then this literally opens up a deeper level of physical connection since your communication pathways are clear. I know it sounds crazy but if you endeavor to share your true feelings with one another without fear or shame then I believe the Lord will honor your truthfulness and your desire to stay committed. He'll respond by doing the work of making you one.
This marriage has forced me to grow up and without the friendship between my husband and I, I'm not sure this transition from singleness to married life would have been this smooth. I look at my husband as my best friend and it's that bond that we share as friends that really gets us through the trying times. We laugh together, and I'd say we cry together but it's usually him holding me while I cry but you get the picture. I feel the more we reveal of ourselves, no matter how painful, the closer we grow together. In this day and age, the moment things become challenging in a relationship people usually call it quits. That's a whole other subject in itself. What I have been learning is to build and develop our friendship during the good and not so good times. Building a great marriage takes time and lots of work and it doesn't happen over night or 8 months for that matter. Each day I challenge myself to be and do better than the day before. To ultimately be a better friend to my husband today than yesterday.
More recently I have been striving to be the first one to forgive and get over the offense or fight and it's soooo challenging. I don't think I have succeeded yet but one day I will. An common misconception is that conflict can be a mood killer in the romance department. Yet, conflict actually presents an opportunity for you and the other person to deepen your bond. When conflict arises, take that time to begin to say to your partner the things that you would normally hold back. That's true intimacy (In-To-Me-See). You're allowing that person to see inside of you and each time you do that, you are becoming one. Now it doesn't feel good in the moment but if you push pass the awkwardness or uncomfortableness and get down to the nitty-gritty, you'll truly grow as friends and develop genuine intimacy. And when you are intimate then this literally opens up a deeper level of physical connection since your communication pathways are clear. I know it sounds crazy but if you endeavor to share your true feelings with one another without fear or shame then I believe the Lord will honor your truthfulness and your desire to stay committed. He'll respond by doing the work of making you one.
-Written by Mrs. Amber Kaye, of North Hollywood, CA
(Married 8 months to Mr. Gerald Kaye)
Great post Amber!
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