Lessons From the Fall: A Holiday Update from the Newlyweds

Hello Newlyweds, Engaged, and Married Friends!

The journey God has led my husband and me through during the Fall season has been one that was very challenging and yet very fruitful! I've slowed down on writing to focus on the lessons God has been teaching me in this season. It's interesting to step back and see how much of a blessing it is when God doesn't give you exactly what YOU want the way you want it right away, but allows tough situations to build your character and lead you to seek him with a pure heart. We've learned so much about ourselves, our relationship with God and how important that is, along with a heart to be obedient, patient, long suffering, and kind to God and each other. I've personally made many mistakes and have sinned many times against God and my husband, and through their loving correction I continue to grow stronger. I have a long way to go. It has been so amazing to watch the gradual way God is polishing my husband as an incredible leader and husband throughout it all!

We've both been working hard in Los Angeles and keeping focused on career goals and financial goals. Nick's been doing some incredible production and songwriting work, as well as continuing to serve as a Minister of Music at the local church we attend and thoroughly managing the business of our home. I'm still working on the business side of music in public relations, pursuing the final stretch of my bachelor degree in Business Marketing (I should be graduating this time next year!), and looking into local volunteer ministry and speaking opportunities. It's been a busy year!

It would be such a BLESSING to hear an update from all of our friends and family about how you're doing in your marriages and what God has been showing you this last fall, summer, and now into the winter holidays! Whether you're engaged, newlywed, or going on 40 years, we love to hear from you! Please comment and share with your friends!

You can leave your comments below, and please use the share link to Facebook!

Blessings,

Crystal A. Blount

P.S. Here a photo of Nick and me on thanksgiving at our Pastor's house! Wishing you all a great Christmas!

Confession: The Greatest Lesson I Learned As A Newlywed

Confessions and Lessons of Year One

by Crystal A. Blount

Hello Newlyweds, Soon-to-Be's, and Married Folk!

It's truly a blessing and honor to be able to share my reflections with you in this blog. This blog was initially my idea of a way to join with my husband in a hobby that we might both take interest in. I'm more of the blogging type, and for reasons mentioned below...you've heard mainly from me. However, my husband Nick's leadership and guidance has been an undercurrent throughout this process, and I am grateful to have his support as I express myself through the written word. 

The Lord led me to a quiet place of soul-searching, and so I have not blogged in almost 2 months. The last two months have been life-changing, full of hard work, and yet very healing for me as I've begun to allow God to go deeper into my heart in my efforts to trust Him fully. I can see promises of God being fulfilled now and in the future for my wonderful Husband and me as we approach our ONE-year Anniversary! 

But before I can really get excited about our 25 year anniversary, or any others, I have to come clean about my struggles so you all can truly see my heart in this blog and be blessed by God. We bring our pain and sin to God, and he can make it something beautiful.

The Confession:

I have never fully trusted God, my Husband, or any man in my entire life.

Love Thought For Today: God's Beautiful Blessing of Marriage

Marriage is an incredible and challenging assignment. To be called to marriage is to be called to a disciplined work, a mighty test of character, a great ministry, a higher expectation of self revelation and personal growth, and a deeper communion with the Spirit. With the blessing of every test, trial, argument, reconciliation, forgiveness, and miraculous touch from God, we grow closer to His design for our creation and communion with Him.

It's less about the Eros love between a man and woman, and more about attaining the fruitfulness, richness, and eternal nature of Agape love. The trials we face as a couple are a gift from God to reveal himself to us.

The gift of intimacy and oneness designed to perpetuate his glorious creation.

A living example and lesson of the intimacy He desired since His word breathed live into Adam's flesh.

The embodiment and accomplishment of His very essence and Glory.

#EternalLOVE

FUN WANTED FOR STRESSED COUPLE: Dating Ideas for Marriage

It's date night once again...

I love date night because it gives my Husband and me a chance to have fun, joke, laugh, and be friends. At first date nights seemed a bit overkill or too forced, but as the stress of life's long journey together set in at times, we've begun to look forward to our night during the week where we dust ourselves off, and enjoy the pleasures of life- together. A lasting marriage means a solid friendship, so we try to keep an open mind about what the other person likes, and experiment to find a common interest we can share.

Below are just a few fun and budget-friendly things Nick and I like to do together throughout the week to get to know each other, take a break, and have some fun. We are always up to trying new things, so please, comment and share your ideas and what activities you and your mate enjoy!

Mirror Mirror On The Wall: How Marriage Can Help You Find Yourself

When my husband and I were dating, many of the things he found most appealing and engaging about me were those aspects of myself that allowed him to feel that he could care for my weaknesses and fill the voids in me, be needed by me, or be my hero. I grabbed at the chance to have a white knight, and appear a perfected beauty in his eyes that could do no wrong. My dream was coming true, and I would go into marriage with a presentation of myself and a reliance on him that I could not uphold for long. Eventually the shoe would drop, and my fears and insecurities would surface and become first annoying, then unbearable. I needed to grow up, and God placed me in a position where I had to choose to do that, or risk losing my dream. 

It wasn't long before we got to a place in our marriage where I believe my husband saw completely through the smoke and mirrors I put forward, and I realized that in order for him to love and accept the real me, I had to actually find out who I was, be real with myself, be real with God, and be real with my husband . Weaknesses and all...

MUST READ!! 10 Things "My Mama Said" About Marriage

This article truly blessed me! After reading this, and being married for a little over 6 months, and learning some of these lessons and how quickly they can change the climate of your home if you don't follow them....I will recommend this to every newlywed couple! It is a humble reminder for me, and I believe if followed by both partners, can be EXTREMEMLY FRUITFUL! 

 It is amazing how once we grow up we realize how our mother's submission was definitely a sign of STRENGTH, not weakness. Don't believe me? How about you and your partner try to do each of these for one week straight?! My parents have done it for 29 years and counting... (Love you Mom and Dad!)

Charlie Brown's Teacher: 10 Things "My Mama Said" About Marriage

10 Things "My Mama Said" About Marriage

Some days, it's obvious by the actions of my children that "wah wah wah wah" is all they are hearing when I speak. I'm sure my mom felt the same way when I was a child; and yet, some things did manage to sink into this thick skull o' mine.
I am dedicating this Top Ten Tuesday to things "My Mama Said" which have made a big difference in my marriage.

My Mama Said...

1. Pick Your battles. I thought Mom was a "doormat" when she chose to hold her tongue. 
• Then, I grew up. (some) Now, I also want people to see my love for them, not my frustration with them. Of course, this attitude is much harder to live out with my husband than with a friend...or neighbor...or the stranger at the store. I'm slowly learning that my family (including my husband) doesn't have to agree with me and jump through every hoop I place in front of them. They are *gulp* INDIVIDUALS. I need to let them be different than my expectations (as long as they aren't crossing moral lines). 
2. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Don't call names. Never tell anyone you hate them. If it can't be said respectfully, then it shouldn't be said. 
• With the wagging tongue God gave me, I needed this brainwashing mantra to start early. Good thing He also gave me Mom - who would speak this truth to me often. 
3. Giggle...giggle...and more giggles. My dad joked about sex - a lot. Mom never made faces, rolled her eyes, or let out a big sigh. She would just giggle. She made me think that sex within marriage might be fun "someday". She never made it seem like a chore...but a benefit to being married. 
• I'm sure Clay and I make a lot of people uncomfortable while he jokes about sex and I giggle; but talking about it keeps sex from being an "unimportant" part of our marriage...and I wouldn't have it any other way.
4. Don't use physical affection as a weapon. When my little brother would tick me off and then try to sit by me or reach out to me, I would jerk my arm/hand/body away in protest. He didn't DESERVE the right to be near me. My mother quickly made it clear that his position as my brother (whom I loved dearly) was enough to earn him a respectful response - even when I didn't feel like it. Withholding love "as a punishment" was not an option. 
• Fast-forward 30 years. Clay's position as my husband (whom I dearly love) is enough. I refuse to withhold any part of me. We are one, and love is still not a weapon.
5. Yes, I love your father more than you. Yep, she said it. We kids knew that Mom "had our back" when we needed to approach Dad about something. She understood our "why" and the emotions we felt. She would go to bat for us. This could have given us a very different impression than she wanted us to have. So, when we would childishly quip something like, "Why are you making vegetable soup since we all hate veggie soup - except for Dad? Do you love him more than us?" She would answer, "Yep. You kids will move on and find your own partners for life. If you try to make me choose between him and you, you should know that I will always choose him."
6. I won't talk bad about your father.  Mom didn't say negative things about Dad. She didn't want others to look down on him. She wanted to protect him. She wanted to protect THEM. Verbalizing frustrations can be a way of dwelling on them. She preferred to sing praises about my father's strengths and speak of his weaknesses to God (or to him, in private). 
• Wow, this has made a marked difference in my own marriage. Every time I share a praise about Clay, I'm reminded why I love him. If I need to "vent" about my man, I try to share with my mom or one of my girlfriends who care more about my marriage than they do about my feelings. I know they will defend him when possible and remind me to give grace when necessary.
7. Never go to bed angry. I can't be responsible for my husband's attitude, but I can give my anger to God (even if things aren't resolved before bed). Mom instilled in me a desire to have resolution; but even more, she modeled that life is about loving others...not about "being right". (And since I'm the one in our house who struggles most with being frustrated...I guess it's good that she was MY mom.)
8. I want the house (and myself) to be something that Dad WANTS to come home to. Dinner was generally cooking, the house was generally straightened, and when Mom would comb her hair or fix her make-up - we knew Dad would be home soon. 
• While make-up and dinner may not both be managed on any given day, I try to let my partner know that he is worth my effort. I don't want to only get dolled up for my friends or the grocery store clerk. I want to treat him like I would if I was still trying to seduce him "win him over". That means, I take care of my body. I notice him when he walks in the door...and give him a big kiss. I do what I can to make our home (and his wife) something he can be proud of and a place where he WANTS to be.
9. A marriage needs protective walls. This could be a blog of its own. Oh wait, I already wrote it! My parents held hands all the time. It was their way to announce to the world that they were both "taken". My mom shared how married people should be each other's best friends. No secrets. They shouldn't spend time alone with people of the opposite sex. That welcomes temptation. Once married, flirtation is meant for a spouse. None other. 
10. Divorce is not an option. Mom didn't even joke about divorce. If one of us kids tried to, she would say, "Divorce isn't a joke. It should not be taken lightly. It is not an option."  Sure, my parents had their struggles; but I NEVER questioned whether or not they would stay together. I had peace about them even when there was tension. 
• I have that same peace in my own marriage. Luckily, my jocular man (who pokes fun at EVERYTHING) also doesn't think divorce is funny at all.

I'm so glad my mom kept repeating herself.
I hope this encourages you in your own parenting -  to be vigilant and to persevere.
The kids may only hear half of our words, but if we say them enough...they might actually sink in.

-Thankful Becky

Marriage VLOG 1: Submission...Psalm 32

A video sharing our reflections on our recent fast, and what we learned about marriage, submission, trust, and overcoming sin. Please comment and share!

Growing Up and Becoming Friends: A Newlywed's Testimony

I once read somewhere that Marriage is a crucible in which we learn how to love and become more Christ-like. It's the place in which we find out what we're made of. Every day I am learning how very true that is in my own marriage. My husband and I tied the knot last June and after we said “I do” and returned from the honeymoon it became quite apparent that I wasn't the person I thought I was going to be in marriage. Before we were married I viewed (or even prided) myself as someone who was extremely selfless, loving, kind, patient, compassionate, giving, etc, etc, etc. And once the rubber met the road I felt like the Lord was holding a mirror up in front of me and for the first time I was seeing this other side of me. It wasn't that I wasn't loving or kind but at times I had a tendency to be self-seeking and completely oblivious to my husband's needs. “Oh my, I'm selfish? That can't be right.” I thought, “I serve in my church, I pay my tithes and I...” I, I, I and I. Again, it was all about me but the thing I love about my husband is that he has never rubbed any of this in my face. In fact all he did was love me through this self realization.

Ready To Call it Quits? Encouragement For Newlyweds

Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God. —Psalm 42:5

Marriage is the most challenging experience I have ever had in my life, and may ever have. Now, don't get me wrong. I love being married, and I am crazy about my Husband, really. I have never been more motivated in all my life to go after the fullness God has for me. I have a wonderfully compassionate and patient Husband. Still, this is no dating game. I can't check out, hang up, storm out, break up then make up when things get rough. The rose-colored goggles are gone and we both get tired. Making a vow to God at the altar to love, honor, and cherish someone and to honor that commitment until death, is not the same as saying, "I love you and I want to spend my life with you". Becoming one is an art to be mastered, and we are beginners picking the strings out of tune while our fingers become raw and callused.

GUEST BLOG: Journey, Discovery, and Growth: Yolanda’s Gems for a Successful Marriage by Loureva Watson-Slade

Our good friend Loureva Watson-Slade is a fantastic blogger. I read this and thought I would share these wonderful gems to remember for a successful marriage.

Journey, Discovery, and Growth: Yolanda’s Gems for a Successful Marriage: Although I meet many women who are enthusiastic mothers, sadly it’s not very often that these same enthusiastic mothers are also enthusiasti...